DESIREESAYS

"When all hope is lost"

17th January 2013.

Today was the worst day of my life.

I mean it.

I've never felt so disappointed in myself to such a extend.

If I'm not good enough, then why'd you give me such a responsibility?

And instead of supporting or advising, you choose to guilt trip and crush me.

Like i'm a fucking piece of rough paper you fucking crush and throw anywhere cause nobody gives a shit about it.

What can I say.

I'm done being a supportive friend and I'm done even considering shit you say to me.

Don't make me feel like shit and cry, then hug me as though i'm supposed to say it's okay.

CAUSE IT'S NOT!

Well that's just part one.

Here comes part two~

Now I've got a serious issue with this bugger.

You don't go around telling people what you hear in discreet.

Especially when they're supposed to be your friends.

Gosh, I feel really stupid right now.

Yeah, I've been warned that you do shit like this to others.

But I honestly thought you deserved a chance not to be judged.

But fuck that shit right?

No wonder you can't keep hold of your "friends."

Fuck, typing this out is pissing me off already.

It's good enough I talked to you nicely rather than screaming at you.

I could have made you felt like fuck, but did I?

NO.

But you still don't get it.

FUCK THAT SHIT!

I give up. I honestly give up.

I don't want to look at you.

I don't want to talk to you.

I don't want to work with you.

I don't want to be associated with you.

But if I have to, I'll keep it professional. 

Dealing with such people made me realize something.

I'm fucking thankful for the real friends I have.

The ones who do give a fuck.

So thank you guys so much :')

Anyways, here's some photo's from my christmas party!

And even more photos from Jun Hui's birthday party :)

DESIREESAYS

"Because keeping quiet can kill." 

 Gosh does time fly.

It's already 2013.

I wouldn't say it was the start I hoped for, but i'm not complaining.

Who knows, it could have been worse.

So I've decided to have only 1 new year's resolution this time.

"LEAVING THE PAST BEHIND"

Yeah, it sounds pretty simple.

But I think I struggled with that last year.

A new year, a fresh start right? :)

I guess I can say I'm satisfied so far.

The only thing I'm unhappy with would be my grades.

I have no idea how but I felt like I really worked hard this time round.

Yet I still did terrible :(

I'm 50/50 right now.

I'm on the verge of giving up but I don't want the past two years to be flushed down the drain!

Someone save me.

I'm drowning in my own misery.

On the brighter side....

Right, there's isn't a brighter side.

Least not just yet.

Well I did have alot of fun last year.

From my last post till today, plenty has been happening.

There was Michelle's and Althea's birthdays, Halloween, Chirstmas Parties, A-Guides Camp, ASc Got Talent, POLITE, term tests and so much more.

Here are some photos.

Enjoy :)

DESIREESAYS

'It's not what makes us, it's what breaks us.'

Another day, another reason to take a breath of fresh air and hope for the best.

Last night, I decided to talk to Nick after months.

Who'd knew he was just what I needed to feel more at ease.

I didn't tell him anything.

More like I didn't need to cause he understood anyways.

Then he told me about how his situation was 'progressing' and gosh, it was a good laugh.

People can be more complicated than a math equation with algebra, differentiation, probability, stats and matrices combined.

I swear, just take a step back and observe.

We either over-think everything, or put to little thought into it.

Or we get too emotional over the smallest things and pretend to be emotionless over the things that actually matter.

We lie just to prevent ourselves from hurting someone when we end up hurting them more than the truth would have.

Better yet, we judge without realizing that's the perfect reason for someone else to judge us.

Yes, if that was a crime, I am guilty as charged.

Then again, aren't we all?

 So they say time is a healer.

I beg to differ.

Time seems to be more of a burden to me.

Think about it!

What's happening before you're 'healed'?

You go through one hell of a roller coaster.

Ups and downs, loops and more loops, uncontrolled wind messing up your face.

And guess what, it gets worse.

There's a ride for you emotions, another for your feelings, another for people's inputs and so on.

And when you start to doubt, you go through all that unnecessary chaos once again.

Anyways, this is a song for thought.

Through the Glass

DESIREESAYS

'Say hello to goodbye'

Hello. It's been awhile.

I promised, thus I shall speak of nothing but how I feel.

Oh gosh, how do I do this.

Part of me is glad, yet another part of me is disappointed and upset.

Part of me wants to keep the door open, and the other wants to shut it close and lock it.

I don't understand.

I should be happy this conversation occurred!

I guess I just didn't hear enough of what I needed to know.

Then again, I'm not going to be happy or even close to satisfaction if what I hear isn't what I expect.

Judging by what's going on so far, it like a 99.9% chance.

Question is, what do I do now?

I can't ask anyone because I refuse to break a promise.

Neither can I figure it out myself because I don't think I'm emotionally prepared for that.

Maybe I should just stop expressing how I feel.

 Just keep it to myself and show it to nobody since I'm good at that.

 I've got just the perfect song for this.

Good Charlotte, you're always there for me.

DESIREESAYS

'Maybe it takes time.'

August already.

It's amazing how time passes when you're so preoccupied.

I can clearly remember New Year's Day.

Had a little family gathering at home and I left for a barbeque with friends.

Then I went back home and went back to Perera's place.

Yet, I can barely remember what I did last week.

That's how oblivious I am to the world when I get caught up in something.

Semester exams are in 3 weeks.

I am nowhere near ready.

Which is partly the reason for a tweet earlier on.

"Seems more like mistakes make us than break us nowadays. "

It relates to me anyways.

How?

That's for me to know, and you to probably not know about it.

Then again, if you know me well enough, you'll figure it out.

So it's 1.35am, I'm sitting all alone in the living room.

A mug of vanilla tea on my left, truckloads of notes on my right.

It's a lovely feeling.

Lonely, depressing but still a lovely feeling.

I must sound weird but,

I mean reality check!

I'm 19, a full time student, have 2 demanding CCAs, been single my whole life, barely have anytime for myself and sleep deprived.

So this actually feels like heaven.

Anyways, I met Michelle and Ashley yesterday.

We were stuck under a block cause it was pouring.

So the music came on.

And the started playing all the really mellow, depressing songs.

It made me feel like blogging.

So perhaps I'd do it more regularly.