DESIREESAYS

"And now I'm calling, calling out your name."

Been sick the past week.

Had a hell of a shocker early this morning.

Nevertheless, everything is great!

Ever just closed your eyes, took a deep breath and felt just perfect?

No pictures in your head.

No thoughts.

No songs.

Nothing.

Yeah. That's exactly what I need to do.

My birthday is in a couple of days.

As usual, I dread the day.

I've never liked the idea of celebrating my birthday.

I'd rather just spend it alone.

Reflect on the past year and embrace the good memories.

I don't like receiving gifts either.

I don't like cake.

I think the sweetest thing is a card.

One that takes some time and effort with a meaningful end to it :)

Well, I don't know why.

But I feel like this song is exactly how I feel.

DESIREESAYS

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart"

It's 10 days till my 20th birthday.

10 days till I'm neither a teenager nor a full-pledged adult.

10 days till I've lived 2 decades.

My ideal marriage age is 24.

As ridiculous and as unrealistic as it may seem, I would still like to settle down at 24.

Imagine just 4 year for now, I'd get to live every girl's biggest dream.

To put on a gorgeous dress, walk down an isle, have a day where all the attention is on you.

Best of all, it's the day you look your best and feel your best.

Of course that's all in my head.

Who knows right?

I may be one of the few who'd never get to live the dream.

Conversations with the clique about our future make it so much more unbearable.

For some reason, whenever we discuss our future, it's always about family.

Never about your car.

Or even about your studies.

Or a job for that matter.

It's always about our wedding day, and our children and our friendship.

Kinda heart-warming.

I like it, I really do.

I think I'd love for it to be the way we picture it to be.

Anyways,

I'm sitting in bed.

Head started throbbing.

Stomach is still on a roller-coaster ride.

Contemplating if I should visit a doctor again tomorrow.

Then of course I have work tomorrow as well.

Looks like a pretty horrible week.

Weekends please come quickly.

DESIREESAYS

"A cold heart kills"

Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right
I swear I'm right, swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore, you saw yourself

There's a thousand songs I could name to express how I feel now.

I'd kill to listen to them.

But I know if I do, it's going to be a sleepless night.

Followed by an unpleasant week.

Or maybe an emotional one; One i'm neither ready nor willing to face now.

Strangle me.

Somebody.

Come to think about it, when was the last time I felt this way?

A huge fluffy ball of emotions.

Frustration, fear, joy, relieve, anxious, calm.

Must seem impossible, but pinky promise, it's all there.

I'm definitely not the easiest person to deal with.

Yes, I like to mess with people.

Yes, I'm indecisive and play by mood.

Yes, I change my mind because I am forgetful.

Figured by now you'd be familiar with it.

And be a little more understanding that this is how I am.

I didn't get a say on how I wanted to be born.

It just happened.

Figured it's the perfect time to share my thoughts on relationships.

After years of observation and some experience.

Just some must haves/ dos and stuff like that.

ONE

Be sure you've got a strong,supportive group of girlfriends at you corner.

Because when you're at your lowest, that's the best thing you could ask for.

TWO

Being loving isn't key, being trusting is.

Because if you stop loving, then it's just not meant to be.

But if you lack trust, then you're not even giving it a chance.

THREE

Quality over quantity.

Better spend short good times together rather than long unproductive times.

Sometimes, more time together is unhealthy.

That's it for today.

Actually starting to feel so much better now.

Michelle whatsapped me.

Guess she figured something was out of place.

"Go have a fag."

Perfect.

That may just be what I need.

With that,

GOODNIGHT

May you have a better week that I probably will.

DESIREESAYS

"Overload."

Last week was supposedly a long holiday.

Half day of work on Wednesday.

Then it was a break all the way till Sunday.

Nothing much happened actually.

I've got to admit, it was a dull holiday.

I'm feeling the pressure this week.

From what, I'm practically clueless.

Head is aching.

It feels like I haven't slept in days.

And like I've been lifting weights way too heavy cause my body is just sore.

My heart feels heavy too.

I need a vacation. 

A nice long one please.

Somewhere sunny and windy.

Goodnight.

I'm way too exhausted to continue.

DESIREESAYS

"Happy Birthday to you."

25th July 2013.

Happy Birthday to the boy I love~

Honestly I have absolutely no idea how to wish you.

I figured why not do it on your favorite place; my blog :)

So here we go~

CAMBODIA.

Yes, it was pretty awkward at times.

But I had a lovely time there with you and the rest.

I realize we had truckloads of photos together.

You were already pretty protective then.

Remember when we went to a club?

The one I tied the balloon on your wrist.

Yeah, you had the "don't you dare come near them" look on your face.

You were lazy as ever too.

Always sleeping on the bus~

HAHAHAHAHA.

Let's not forget the night we went out for dessert and a drink.

And we wore the same shirt.

And I "sister-zoned" you.

We were still just friends then! HAHAHA. 

Can't blame me.

Next up, the random Thai disco Sunday night.

31st May 2013.

I guess I was pretty high and you caught me completely off-guard.

I remember James was gay-ing around with you.

And I said" No! He's mine."

Hahaha, can't believe I said that!

Then we sat outside and just like leaned on each other.

Of course until Gabriel came out and brought us back in to drink.

So more alcohol and I guess there's where you came clean.

Hahaha.

You said you had to do 3 things.

1. Confess.

2. Give me a hug.

3. Give me a kiss on the cheek.

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA.

I remember feeling so unwilling to admit I liked you.

But I figured you must have known.

You accompanied me home and we went for a walk to my secret hideout.

And i guess that's how we started dating.

Regatta was when you were surprisingly a sweetheart.

You followed me when I couldn't hold my tears in anymore.

And you just kept trying to make me feel better.

Even till the night after cleaning up.

:)

Thanks so much.

Our second month anniversary.

You were sick and sad cause you wanted to meet me.

So I came over to your place with cupcakes :)

Didn't spend much time with you then.

But hey!

Quality over quantity right?

Then before I went home, I used the toilet.

So you sneaked a box of chocolates into my bag.

I freaked out when I opened my bag and touched something cold inside.

HAHAHA.

Good thing I didn't scream in the bus.

It was sweet, especially the little messy incomplete post-it note. ^^

Summarize I shall.

Happy 19th Birthday Love <3 p="">

I know you're not looking forward to it but you should.

Because 19 was one of the best years I've had.

Perhaps, it'll be one of your's too.

I believe that everyone deserves to feel the best they can on their birthday.

So promise you'll do whatever you can to be jolly :)

You've been the loveliest boyfriend I could imagine.

Eating fatty ice-cream because I love them so much.

Staying up to wait for me when I went to a club.

Coming to meet me because I'm a lazy fat ass.

Enjoy your birthday! :D

EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT.

I'm sorry I lied.

This is what I've been smiling about.

I'm already done, it's 10.22pm.

But i'm not posting it till 12.00am because I want you the see this only when it's officially your birthday.

I know you're not feeling well so get some rest :)

I LOVE YOU ROY <3 nbsp="" p="">