DESIREESAYS

"Just a phase of the century."

Hey.

This time last year.

Probably my favorite day of the first half of 2013.

It's ironic, I'm aware.

After all, today is April Fools Day.

I experienced so much in a single night:

1.

Excessive butterflies in my stomach.

Can't deny that  I'm just like any other female teenager.

Tell me something like that and I'm going to melt.

Why?

Because I wasn't expecting it and I never in a million years would have.

Yet it's what I secretly hoped for despite my expectations.

2.
Insecure.

I take such matters seriously.

Discussing it on April Fools, not the best idea.

Saying April Fools! Then saying kidding.

That's even worse.

3.

Confused.

New situation, however, I did not have a response plan.

I guess you could say I didn't know how to react to anything.

Then again, I rarely know how to react to anything.

So yeah.

That's it about the past.

Anyways, back to the current.

Good news.

I managed to clear all my modules.

Which means....

I AM GRADUATING!

No more educational worries for this girl!

Bad news.

Something is bothering me.

It's one of those feeling I can't seem to brush off.

So I have an overseas opportunity.

Do I want to take the opportunity?

Yes, I do!

Of course there's no guarantee I'd receive it though.

But I want to try!

I'm not afraid of being out there on my own.

I like a challenge.

So what's the problem?

How am I supposed to carry on when you've already got a knife at my throat?

Before I even applied, there's so many "what if's".

That's my problem.

Now I have truckloads of what if's of my own

What if I decide it's more important to stay?

Then I lose a good opportunity.

What if I decide to go?

Then there's going to be paranoia regarding my loyalty.

And I don't know if I can deal with that.

There's more but let's not go there.

So what am I supposed to do?