DESIREESAYS

"Too much reality, too little imagination."

Hello.

Term test is just around the corner.

This semester feels like a good one.

Perhaps the best I may ever do.

Then again, it's just a feeling.

Not too sure if I'm willing to put in the extra effort to make it so.

It's amazing how much has changed after spending a semester away from school.

During internship, I craved lectures and lab sessions.

Sitting at a desk all day made school feel like heaven.

I actually enjoy having time to sit down alone and study now.

Yes, this face and the word study may sound impossible.

But looks like a miracle is happening~

Anyways, it's the 1st of December.

2nd actually.

Since I have this tendency to blog after midnight and then I get confused which day it is.

Nevermind that.

The point is, December is finally here!

Christmas is nearing!

New Year's Eve is nearing.

I'm excited for all the warm, fuzzy Christmas love!

Last year was a completely different feel.

But this year is going to be great!

I know it.

If it isn't great.

I'll be sure to at least make a couple of memories.

There's so many things I haven't thought of yet.

Like what am I going to wear?

What presents should I get?

Do I throw a party?

What's my resolution?

OH MY GOSH.

So much to do, so little time.

So my previous post was rather negative.

Sarcastic.

Cold.

Egoistic.

And the list goes on.

It's over though for now.

Hopefully for a long time.

I'd say forever but realistically speaking, nothing is forever.

Except cockroaches.

Those little dudes are indestructible.

Gross.

Yeah.

So things are so much better now.

I don't get as much time as before.

It can't be helped because apparently exams are like a tequila shot.

It's serious shit.

You've got to train hard, in this case, study hard.

Then you'd be able to take the shot easily.

Like me ;)

I really do need to stop getting distracted and typing nonsense.

What would I like for Christmas this year?

1.) A hat for my collection.

2.) To go somewhere that's beautiful and relaxing.

3.) Something that will leave me speechless

4.) To party all 12 days.

5.) To wear a pretty outfit for all 12 days :)

OULALALALALALALALALA.

Can't wait! :)

Hehe~

I do have a problem though.

Somebody in particular won't tell me what he wants for Christmas.

So I'm going to be a stressed little girl till I figure it out.

WISH ME LUCK.

Irish luck.

DESIREESAYS

""Raise you filthy palms up, like tiny daggers up to heaven.

The trend has become rather obvious.

A new post symbolizes my urge to express a truck worth of feelings bottled up.

"Lies and deception are a part of life. You learn from them, move on and grow stronger."

So where do I begin?

Since I'm supposed to reflect, here it is!

"WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

That's an interesting question.

I have not the slightest idea what is wrong with me.

Being who I am, I would have fixed it or be working on it if i was aware.

"WHY GOT MESSAGE OTHER GUYS IS IT?"

That's an obvious question.

Of course I do!

I have male friends.

As a matter of fact, majority of my poly friends are male.

I do believe there's only 2 females I'm constantly around.

One is really busy and the other is really bad at replying messages.

So if i need something, I message other guys and that's it.

""CAN YOU STOP CLUBBING?"

If you haven't realized, I have.

Doesn't mean it's wrong to want to once in a while.

If you need to be with me in order for me to club, then you should come.

If you say no because you're unavailable, I understand.

But if it's no because it's not your crowd, then I don't understand.

I am trying to reach out. I always try to reach out.

But sarcasm and silent treatment gets you nowhere.

If it makes you feel any better,

The silent treatment kills me inside.

 And I'm dead serious about it.

The longer you keep it up, the worse I'm going to get.

If that's what you're aiming for, then by all means, go ahead.

I am done trying to make things better because it feels like I'm talking to a wall.

You're sad/hurt/disappointed, I get it.

But you're not the only one.

 

 

DESIREESAYS

"And now I'm calling, calling out your name."

Been sick the past week.

Had a hell of a shocker early this morning.

Nevertheless, everything is great!

Ever just closed your eyes, took a deep breath and felt just perfect?

No pictures in your head.

No thoughts.

No songs.

Nothing.

Yeah. That's exactly what I need to do.

My birthday is in a couple of days.

As usual, I dread the day.

I've never liked the idea of celebrating my birthday.

I'd rather just spend it alone.

Reflect on the past year and embrace the good memories.

I don't like receiving gifts either.

I don't like cake.

I think the sweetest thing is a card.

One that takes some time and effort with a meaningful end to it :)

Well, I don't know why.

But I feel like this song is exactly how I feel.

DESIREESAYS

"Last Christmas, I gave you my heart"

It's 10 days till my 20th birthday.

10 days till I'm neither a teenager nor a full-pledged adult.

10 days till I've lived 2 decades.

My ideal marriage age is 24.

As ridiculous and as unrealistic as it may seem, I would still like to settle down at 24.

Imagine just 4 year for now, I'd get to live every girl's biggest dream.

To put on a gorgeous dress, walk down an isle, have a day where all the attention is on you.

Best of all, it's the day you look your best and feel your best.

Of course that's all in my head.

Who knows right?

I may be one of the few who'd never get to live the dream.

Conversations with the clique about our future make it so much more unbearable.

For some reason, whenever we discuss our future, it's always about family.

Never about your car.

Or even about your studies.

Or a job for that matter.

It's always about our wedding day, and our children and our friendship.

Kinda heart-warming.

I like it, I really do.

I think I'd love for it to be the way we picture it to be.

Anyways,

I'm sitting in bed.

Head started throbbing.

Stomach is still on a roller-coaster ride.

Contemplating if I should visit a doctor again tomorrow.

Then of course I have work tomorrow as well.

Looks like a pretty horrible week.

Weekends please come quickly.

DESIREESAYS

"A cold heart kills"

Vindicated, I am selfish, I am wrong, I am right
I swear I'm right, swear I knew it all along
And I am flawed, but I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore, you saw yourself

There's a thousand songs I could name to express how I feel now.

I'd kill to listen to them.

But I know if I do, it's going to be a sleepless night.

Followed by an unpleasant week.

Or maybe an emotional one; One i'm neither ready nor willing to face now.

Strangle me.

Somebody.

Come to think about it, when was the last time I felt this way?

A huge fluffy ball of emotions.

Frustration, fear, joy, relieve, anxious, calm.

Must seem impossible, but pinky promise, it's all there.

I'm definitely not the easiest person to deal with.

Yes, I like to mess with people.

Yes, I'm indecisive and play by mood.

Yes, I change my mind because I am forgetful.

Figured by now you'd be familiar with it.

And be a little more understanding that this is how I am.

I didn't get a say on how I wanted to be born.

It just happened.

Figured it's the perfect time to share my thoughts on relationships.

After years of observation and some experience.

Just some must haves/ dos and stuff like that.

ONE

Be sure you've got a strong,supportive group of girlfriends at you corner.

Because when you're at your lowest, that's the best thing you could ask for.

TWO

Being loving isn't key, being trusting is.

Because if you stop loving, then it's just not meant to be.

But if you lack trust, then you're not even giving it a chance.

THREE

Quality over quantity.

Better spend short good times together rather than long unproductive times.

Sometimes, more time together is unhealthy.

That's it for today.

Actually starting to feel so much better now.

Michelle whatsapped me.

Guess she figured something was out of place.

"Go have a fag."

Perfect.

That may just be what I need.

With that,

GOODNIGHT

May you have a better week that I probably will.

DESIREESAYS

"Overload."

Last week was supposedly a long holiday.

Half day of work on Wednesday.

Then it was a break all the way till Sunday.

Nothing much happened actually.

I've got to admit, it was a dull holiday.

I'm feeling the pressure this week.

From what, I'm practically clueless.

Head is aching.

It feels like I haven't slept in days.

And like I've been lifting weights way too heavy cause my body is just sore.

My heart feels heavy too.

I need a vacation. 

A nice long one please.

Somewhere sunny and windy.

Goodnight.

I'm way too exhausted to continue.

DESIREESAYS

"Happy Birthday to you."

25th July 2013.

Happy Birthday to the boy I love~

Honestly I have absolutely no idea how to wish you.

I figured why not do it on your favorite place; my blog :)

So here we go~

CAMBODIA.

Yes, it was pretty awkward at times.

But I had a lovely time there with you and the rest.

I realize we had truckloads of photos together.

You were already pretty protective then.

Remember when we went to a club?

The one I tied the balloon on your wrist.

Yeah, you had the "don't you dare come near them" look on your face.

You were lazy as ever too.

Always sleeping on the bus~

HAHAHAHAHA.

Let's not forget the night we went out for dessert and a drink.

And we wore the same shirt.

And I "sister-zoned" you.

We were still just friends then! HAHAHA. 

Can't blame me.

Next up, the random Thai disco Sunday night.

31st May 2013.

I guess I was pretty high and you caught me completely off-guard.

I remember James was gay-ing around with you.

And I said" No! He's mine."

Hahaha, can't believe I said that!

Then we sat outside and just like leaned on each other.

Of course until Gabriel came out and brought us back in to drink.

So more alcohol and I guess there's where you came clean.

Hahaha.

You said you had to do 3 things.

1. Confess.

2. Give me a hug.

3. Give me a kiss on the cheek.

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA.

I remember feeling so unwilling to admit I liked you.

But I figured you must have known.

You accompanied me home and we went for a walk to my secret hideout.

And i guess that's how we started dating.

Regatta was when you were surprisingly a sweetheart.

You followed me when I couldn't hold my tears in anymore.

And you just kept trying to make me feel better.

Even till the night after cleaning up.

:)

Thanks so much.

Our second month anniversary.

You were sick and sad cause you wanted to meet me.

So I came over to your place with cupcakes :)

Didn't spend much time with you then.

But hey!

Quality over quantity right?

Then before I went home, I used the toilet.

So you sneaked a box of chocolates into my bag.

I freaked out when I opened my bag and touched something cold inside.

HAHAHA.

Good thing I didn't scream in the bus.

It was sweet, especially the little messy incomplete post-it note. ^^

Summarize I shall.

Happy 19th Birthday Love <3 p="">

I know you're not looking forward to it but you should.

Because 19 was one of the best years I've had.

Perhaps, it'll be one of your's too.

I believe that everyone deserves to feel the best they can on their birthday.

So promise you'll do whatever you can to be jolly :)

You've been the loveliest boyfriend I could imagine.

Eating fatty ice-cream because I love them so much.

Staying up to wait for me when I went to a club.

Coming to meet me because I'm a lazy fat ass.

Enjoy your birthday! :D

EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT.

I'm sorry I lied.

This is what I've been smiling about.

I'm already done, it's 10.22pm.

But i'm not posting it till 12.00am because I want you the see this only when it's officially your birthday.

I know you're not feeling well so get some rest :)

I LOVE YOU ROY <3 nbsp="" p="">

DESIREESAYS

"One word, control"

Greetings.

I've got both hands behind my back and you've got to choose one.

One's a fist; pick that and you're getting a punch.

The other's a palm; pick that and you're getting a slap.

So what do you choose?

I'd hope to pick the fist.

You must think I'm insane.

Probably.

Figured if you're going to take a hit, might as well go all out right?

Then recover like a man and move on~

Well the brightest star isn't shining today.

Instead dark clouds are out and it's raining on me.

Sometimes it's really frustrating dealing with matters.

If it's related to a factual, non-debatable topic, then it's cool.

When it isn't, that's when hell breaks loose.

Why?

Because your stand can never be completely acceptable.

Why?

Because if you realize, there's bound to be a contradiction hidden somewhere.

Why?

That's I have no answer to.

Perhaps it may just be me.

Then again, I don't have statistics so I'll assume there's a chance it's not just me.

Got to appreciate nights like these.

Thought after thought after thought.

Putting the pieces of a puzzle you never knew existed together.

Discovering something new about yourself.

Understanding the people who matter to you more.

Oh, screw it.

At this rate, I'm never going to get any sleep.

BTW.

You'll read this eventually.

I'm not angry, you're not a disappointment.

It's not you, it's me.

Don't ask me why.

I won't explain it to you.

GOODNIGHT~

DESIREESAYS

"Don't bend, don't break, baby don't back down."

WHAT'S UP!

There's this phrase that I seem to be revolving around.

"What makes you doesn't exist till you know what breaks you."

Heard of it before?

I doubt it.

A little something I've discovered over some intensive thinking.

Not bad right?

Potential poet  or writer or philosopher right here~

Yeah, it may sound pretty pessimistic but it makes sense.

How it relates to me is for me to know.

Back to reality.

Just 11 more weeks till the end of internship.

I'm enjoying it more or less.

I guess the best past of going to work everyday is being greeted by such respectable people.

Those we call the Banglas.

After 5 weeks of working with them, I salute them.

I've been there 5 weeks, and they've been there for years.

Yet I receive a "Good morning" daily.

Not to mention they bow at me too.

THANK YOU GOD FOR SUCH PEOPLE IN SOCIETY.

I mean it.

I am completely touched and thankful towards them.

Singapore would be disastrous without them.

I bet only 5% of the population feel the way I do.

Admit it, the majority of us are way too stuck up and arrogant to appreciate such people.

Anyway, this Saturday is family dinner at the Nonis'.

By family dinner, i mean my family and my lovely clique.

Who could be more thankful for such a lovely bunch.

Really excited.

The last complete gathering was Studio M.

Well, GOODNIGHT.

No, I am not going to bed.

But I have to catch this episode of Pretty Little Liars before I do :)

#word

DESIREESAYS

"Listen with an open heart."

Week 1, Day 3.

Of what?

My internship.

The place is drop dead gorgeous.

At least I believe it is.

I suppose the first week has been a struggle.

The people around me are much older than I am.

Probably the reason I don't have a buddy there.

It's all mainly awkward socially.

I walk around aimlessly by myself.

I sit at the cafe with a bottle of snapple apple in hand.

Again, by myself.

I have lunch by myself as well.

Gosh!

It's not all that bad though.

Everyone in my department is simply lovely.

They try to make me comfortable.

I like the work I have to do too.

Ups and downs.

Ups and downs.

Right now I'm in bed chilling.

In another part of Singapore, there's beer to chill with.

Exactly where my friends and boyfriend are.

Confession.

I'm mad I can't be there.

Well I can but I'd rather have rest and be energized for tomorrow.

Really sucks how fun always make a surprise visit when I'm busy.

You know what they say,

When life gives you lemons, grab some salt and tequila and you've got yourself a good time :)

Anyways, I'm happy with what I'm seeing.

I like how he's getting along with the rest so well.

Lastly, Kok Feng, I miss you bro :'(

I could tear if I read your letter again so I'm gonna keep it in a safe place.

Hope you do well.

COME BACK SOON!

DESIREESAYS

"And I don't want the world to see me."

Good Evening~

Cheers to my epic face.

 1st June 2013.

That's the middle of the year already!

CPTC the past 6 weeks flew past like a jet plane.

One moment it is there,

The next moment all you see left is the smoke,

And eventually there's nothing left.

Well it was heart-warming to see everyone bonding.

You can just talk to anyone and everyone.

That's what I liked.

Looks like I don't have to worry about an awkward seat during lectures anymore :)

Enough said regarding this.

PHOTO FRENZY.

Anyways, I'm on a "No-cigarette" deal with thing.

Let's just see how long this one actually lasts.

I think it's a stupid thing to do.

Especially since we've got a pretty hectic party life.

Not to mention, it's my last 4 month of being a reckless teenager.

Oh well~

We'll just have to see how it goes.

Yeah.

This is the "thing" I was referring to.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

You're going to see this, but WHAT THE HECK!

<3 p="">

DESIREESAYS

"I've drawn regret from the truth of a thousand lies."

Good evening.

Sunday, 5th May 2013, 10:50pm.

As usual, brace yourself for yet another one of my dull tales.

Let's see.

I am definitely relieved that I've managed to get rid of all that stress.

Well, most of it at least.

Freshmen Orientation is long over yet part of me feels like it isn't.

Probably due to the fact I feel responsible for its disastrous events.

Yes feel. Not FELT.

For a start, I killed cheer team's winning streak.

Possibly killed the chances for best spirited as well.

I barely put an effort in that aspect.

Everything seemed like a hot mess from my point of view.

Running up, down, back and forth like a dog.

Kinda got me thinking, "Where the hell was my team?"

Yeah that right, right in front of my face.

I guess it was my mistake or maybe it was the best decision I made.

Unreliable, unmotivated, disorganized, indolent.

That's not a team i'd give a second look at, but that's more or less what I had.

Of course they had their positive traits.

But hey! I'm a pessimist after all.

In summary.

The most chaotic thing I've done.

Pushed me to the verge of breaking down every other night.

Not satisfied.

Got over it.

Apart from that nightmare, CPTC is another one.

Chemical Process Training Centre.

That's my life for the next 4 and past 2 weeks.

8am - 4pm everyday.

Either in a 3 hour lecture, tutorial or out in the plant.

I like the smoking corner though.

It's windy.

Kok Feng is ditching us in about 5 weeks.

Off to Australia he goes for 2 years to study.

I'm happy for you bro but that sucks! :')

The whole situation really got me missing my friends.

I'm feeling beyond nostalgic.

One more thing.

There's been a drastic change in my life.

No, it's not my sarcasm.

No, it's not boobs.

And no, definitely not my love for ice-cream.

Have fun guessing if it's worth your while.

Let the photos and little captions work their magic.

Goodnight.

I'll be back, maybe in a month.

 "CPTC"

"The friends i seem to be missing so much"

DESIREESAYS

"Inhale, exhale."

2am on a Sunday morning.

So earlier on, we celebrated Zephen's 15th birthday.

That boy is so big and tall now but he's still and forever will be my favorite little brother :')

Met Maria, Michelle and JM for a beer at Bojangles after.

Caught the West Ham match and part of the Man U match too.

Been practically living in school for the past two week.

Got to admit, I've missed my family and friends truckloads!

I'm glad to be back home :)

So close to my family, friends and my secret hideouts!

Anyways, for the past two week, I've been living in the apartments in school.

Loved every moment of it!

Even the fact that I was sleep deprived, cause if i wasn't, then I would have missed out on alot of fun.

Eunice was a lovely roommate to have.

We cleaned together, studied together, sneaked out together and had alot of time to just talk.

It's one thing to have someone to hear you out.

But it's an entirely different thing to have someone who can relate to you.

Well I did spend a significant amount of time with Roy, Rayyan, Noel and Luke too.

Such entertaining boys ;)

Moving on, there's something I feel I need to do.

I'm not afraid to do it.

I'm just afraid of the outcome of it all,

Oh well.

Patience is a virtue.

With that, Goodnight~

Btw, here's some photos from TNS!