DESIREESAYS

'It's not what makes us, it's what breaks us.'

Another day, another reason to take a breath of fresh air and hope for the best.

Last night, I decided to talk to Nick after months.

Who'd knew he was just what I needed to feel more at ease.

I didn't tell him anything.

More like I didn't need to cause he understood anyways.

Then he told me about how his situation was 'progressing' and gosh, it was a good laugh.

People can be more complicated than a math equation with algebra, differentiation, probability, stats and matrices combined.

I swear, just take a step back and observe.

We either over-think everything, or put to little thought into it.

Or we get too emotional over the smallest things and pretend to be emotionless over the things that actually matter.

We lie just to prevent ourselves from hurting someone when we end up hurting them more than the truth would have.

Better yet, we judge without realizing that's the perfect reason for someone else to judge us.

Yes, if that was a crime, I am guilty as charged.

Then again, aren't we all?

 So they say time is a healer.

I beg to differ.

Time seems to be more of a burden to me.

Think about it!

What's happening before you're 'healed'?

You go through one hell of a roller coaster.

Ups and downs, loops and more loops, uncontrolled wind messing up your face.

And guess what, it gets worse.

There's a ride for you emotions, another for your feelings, another for people's inputs and so on.

And when you start to doubt, you go through all that unnecessary chaos once again.

Anyways, this is a song for thought.

Through the Glass

DESIREESAYS

'Say hello to goodbye'

Hello. It's been awhile.

I promised, thus I shall speak of nothing but how I feel.

Oh gosh, how do I do this.

Part of me is glad, yet another part of me is disappointed and upset.

Part of me wants to keep the door open, and the other wants to shut it close and lock it.

I don't understand.

I should be happy this conversation occurred!

I guess I just didn't hear enough of what I needed to know.

Then again, I'm not going to be happy or even close to satisfaction if what I hear isn't what I expect.

Judging by what's going on so far, it like a 99.9% chance.

Question is, what do I do now?

I can't ask anyone because I refuse to break a promise.

Neither can I figure it out myself because I don't think I'm emotionally prepared for that.

Maybe I should just stop expressing how I feel.

 Just keep it to myself and show it to nobody since I'm good at that.

 I've got just the perfect song for this.

Good Charlotte, you're always there for me.

DESIREESAYS

'Maybe it takes time.'

August already.

It's amazing how time passes when you're so preoccupied.

I can clearly remember New Year's Day.

Had a little family gathering at home and I left for a barbeque with friends.

Then I went back home and went back to Perera's place.

Yet, I can barely remember what I did last week.

That's how oblivious I am to the world when I get caught up in something.

Semester exams are in 3 weeks.

I am nowhere near ready.

Which is partly the reason for a tweet earlier on.

"Seems more like mistakes make us than break us nowadays. "

It relates to me anyways.

How?

That's for me to know, and you to probably not know about it.

Then again, if you know me well enough, you'll figure it out.

So it's 1.35am, I'm sitting all alone in the living room.

A mug of vanilla tea on my left, truckloads of notes on my right.

It's a lovely feeling.

Lonely, depressing but still a lovely feeling.

I must sound weird but,

I mean reality check!

I'm 19, a full time student, have 2 demanding CCAs, been single my whole life, barely have anytime for myself and sleep deprived.

So this actually feels like heaven.

Anyways, I met Michelle and Ashley yesterday.

We were stuck under a block cause it was pouring.

So the music came on.

And the started playing all the really mellow, depressing songs.

It made me feel like blogging.

So perhaps I'd do it more regularly.

DESIREESAYS

'Some things are worth the wait'

It's 12.41am, I've got assignments to complete.

I need my sleep too.

Short and simple.

I love you guys and I love the lame things we do together.

I really wish I had more time for you guys but right now, so not going to happen.

DESIREESAYS

''SCREAM YOUR HEART OUT.''

Well, tomorrow is the last paper for term test :)

On the bright side, that's two weeks of chilling to look forward to.

On the dull side, it not like I don't have projects and assignments.

The last 4 papers were just OMG.

I honestly can't predict how I'll do.

I'm just praying not to fail even 1 module.

Pretty please with cherries on top.

So anyways, looks like i've got myself a little study group.

It's pretty much Eunice, Luqman, Ben, Viknesh, Myself and Khidhir occasionally.

I like that we're all always so hardworking and get distracted over the lamest thing.

Like how we opened up the OHP and started exploring the insides.

We were inspired by OSH (Occupational Safety and Health) :)

Oh, this is Eunice by the way.

I don't know why i'm uploading photos, but yeah.

Gosh I really haven't blogged in ages.

Oh well.

Anyways I got reminded of a song earlier today.

Was my all time favourite song back then :')

If you remember Lost Prophets, then i'm sure you'd appreciate the song.

ROOFTOPS.

DESIREESAYS

"I'm out of your league."

It is officially Sunday.
Which means tomorrow is the start of year 2!
Part of me can't wait to get back to school and see all my mates again.
Yet part of me is dreading my hectic timetable.
Classes from 9-6 practically everyday.
Then I end at 7 on Thursdays.
But thankfully, I get Fridays off.
So if anyone wants to hang, TGIF is my motto i guess.

So week 0 is over.
On the last day, everyone was doing the hugs and heartfelt little words.
So as expected there were truckloads of tears.
And as usual, I'm the closest thing to a sociopath.
I wasn't happy, or sad, or pissed or anything.
I just didn't feel bonded close enough for anything to matter.

Also, I've been doing alot of late night self reflection.
Yeah, sounds like a lame idea.
But it's really an eye-opener if you dig deep.
But then again, when I dig too deep, I start to panic.
Haha, oh well.
So the plan is...
Uh huh, I don't have a plan YET.
But I will, EVENTUALLY, I hope.
In the mean time, I'm just going to do what I do best.
Go to school. Eat. Study. Train. Socialize. Party. Sleep.

OH! So i did cornrows again.
But just on both sides this time.
FYI. I know my face is horrible.

Yeah, so I also had my "nigger" look going on.
Backward Cap on,
Hair curly and messy,
Piercings on,
A little bit of bling.
And to top it all off.
MY ENTIRE OUTFIT WAS PINK :)

Sometimes, a little false hope is just what we need.

DESIREESAYS

"Feelings are everything. You either have them or you don't."

DULL.
That's one word to describe the next week before school starts.
It's going to be yet another week staying in school.
That means sleepless nights and body aches.
On the brighter side,
The past few weeks have been amazing.
Track chalet last week :)
Omg, so much fun!
From drinking games, to lame jokes, to midnight basketball and soccer, to cards, to always eating, to playing kinect and to dancing to k-pop songs.
All the year 3s are gone now :(
But it was definitely great to get to spend some more time with them.

So we're just 2 days away from week 0.
Am I ready to be all hyped up and energized?
No, so not feeling it.
Am I looking forward to getting to know freshies?
No, but looks like I have to anyways.
Oh well.

OH YEAH!
So yesterday Grand Copthrone Hotel called me.
Apparently I had a room booking for the 19th - 21st April.
And the booking was made on 2nd April.
Whoever did it, YOU ARE DEAD BITCH.
April's fool prank or not, that is so not cool.
Like seriously, whose prank is delayed 2 weeks?! -_-
So whoever did it, i'd appreciate if you at least tell me it was you.

Here you go~
Photos from the track chalet.

OH. It's been awhile since I've camwhored.
So i thought i'd share with you some 'army' photos.
HAHA. Enjoy :)







BRACE YOURSELF~

Can I say there's still something there?
Or am I mistaken.

DESIREESAYS

"The reason for second guessing"

I've been stuck in camp since Tuesday.
What I need : SLEEP, FOOD, A BED, FAMILY, CLOSE FRIENDS.
What I want : TO GO HOME.
It's not that I'm not enjoying myself here.
But it does suck to be a secretary and have absolutely nothing to do.
I swear I find myself walking around aimlessly most of the time.
Oh well~
I guess that's how it just is.
Anyways, I am sleep deprived as HELL.
2-4 hours of sleep each night is definitely not enough.
Thank God tomorrow is the last day.

I had one of the best 3 days last week.
The chalet with the usuals finally happened.
Guess how long we've been planning it?
ABOUT 5 BLOODY YEARS!
No wonder it went so well.
Photos are here in no order whatsoever.
It's 4.43am and I have to report at 8.00am.
Guess I should go to sleep soon.

Don't confuse me any more than I already am.
I don't need that.
Especially not from YOU.

DESIREESAYS
"Don't you ever feel like you're less than fucking perfect?"

Can't help but feel at my lowest.
The year felt like it was going to be way smoother than the last.
But as usual, things fall out of place and get worse as time passes.
Hopefully this is as bad as it gets.
Or else guys, you might just have to stop me from doing something really stupid.
And by stupid, I mean BLOODY STUPID.

Not everything is bad though.
I mean after years of misunderstandings and conflicts, we're all finally together again.
And nothing beats that.
We're even having our long-delayed clique chalet.
And boy, do I have a surprise for you guys ;)
Also, my class is way closer now.
At least the majority of us are.
Who would have imagined an 'amazing race' at sentosa.

IN THE RAIN.
FREEZING MY ASS OFF.
HUNTING FOR WEIRD ITEMS.
DOING TASKS TO GET CLUES.
Would have been just what we needed.
I'll share some photos as soon as they get uploaded.

In the mean time, here are some photos from the past two months.

ZIRCA <3

MARIA'S AWESOME 21st BIRTHDAY.
Free flow of booze plus amazing company
Plus a super smexy birthday girl ;)

ASHLEY'S 19th BIRTHDAY
Surprise at Fish and Co~

IVP 2012.
TP for the win^^
I stole these photos from Bing by the way.

Farewell, I'll miss you
I'm sick of these goodbyes'
Cause it tore us apart right from the start
I miss you